by Maria Protopapadaki-Smith
Rushka, Galactic Overlord of the Kharsh Group, Commander of the Luarrh Nebulae, Honorary High Pontiff of the Moons of Aramis and would-be conqueror of Planet Earth, stood cornered with a small armoury of laser guns pointed at his chest and head. He hadn't expected this insignificant, isolated planet to produce any resistance worth worrying about. Earth's technology was inferior - humans had not even managed to get as far as the edge of their own solar system, for Marrh's sake! He observed his nemeses in disbelief: not an army, not a battalion, not even a platoon. Two Earthlings - two!
The call had come directly from the top. As soon as the enemy battleship had declared its intentions and advised immediate surrender, the President had ordered his generals to assess the situation and prepare for war. He had then disappeared into his private quarters, demanding that nobody disturb him. In the bathroom, he had uncovered the hidden cabinet and brought out the red and blue telephone that it housed. The army would be slow in responding; its sheer size was against it. Time was very much of the essence - he had known his only option would be to engage his most secret of weapons. He had made the call.
Special Agents Puma and Jaguar had raced to their ship's hangar. It was a unique vessel, designed by the agents themselves. It was not much to look at and was slower than most ships its age, but it was the only ship on Earth that could avoid detection - not only by radar but also by sight. Jaguar, never one to pass up an opportunity for fart humour, had insisted that they name it Silent Creeper. Puma had eventually acquiesced because the name itself had a good ring to it, if one simply ignored Jaguar's puerility. As with all such things, it wasn't long before they had taken to referring to it, fondly, as Creepy, which had rendered the argument moot.
They boarded the battleship unseen and proceeded to cause havoc for the enemy - incapacitating grenades were deployed, rendering clusters of enemy soldiers unable to move; machinery was sabotaged; sentries were knocked unconscious with laser gun butts. Puma and Jaguar continued inexorably to the enemy leader's inner sanctum, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. The goons at the door were no match for the agents' wile; the Overlord's quarters were breached and his security detail gunned down. Rushka tried to make a dash for the servants' exit, but Puma was too quick for him. He now had nowhere to go.
"Looks like Earth is not the one that needs to surrender", said Puma.
"Call off your army - or die", said Jaguar.
The Overlord's face turned a deeper green. There was nothing he could do but admit defeat.
"Fine", he said, petulantly. "You have won this battle. I surrend-"
Special Agents Puma and Jaguar watched in dismay as the Overlord's quarters were engulfed by sunshine and lawn. Their arch-enemy himself had been enveloped by a disgruntled tree ("those sticks they're brandishing at me have probably come from my own trunk, too - the cheek of it").
"I guess your Mum's come to pick you up", sighed Puma
"Mmmm", said Jaguar. They rested their weapons on the tree and walked towards the house, as slowly as possible.
"I'll see you at school tomorrow."
The secret handshake officially marked the end of yet another successful mission.
Not All The Time
3 weeks ago