Friday 18 December 2009

#FridayFlash: Feast

by Maria Protopapadaki-Smith

Her husband was coming home today, and joy mingled with apprehension in her thoughts. His letter, written on the hospital ward, had not been out of arm's reach since it had arrived - she must have read it over a hundred times by now, almost not daring to believe that it was true. The war was over for him: a leg cut off at the knee had seen to that.

Tomorrow, they would be celebrating his return with his parents and younger brother, but tonight she would have him all to herself. She smiled at the thought of the meal she was going to prepare, and at the way she had procured the ingredients; none of them had resulted in a stamp in her ration book. She couldn't very well feed the returning soldier powdered eggs: they would be having pheasant, and she had even got chocolate for dessert.

The chocolate had been the easiest; she had Lizzie to thank for that.

"The things I do for you", her friend had said, handing her the large bar of chocolate. There were American soldiers stationed at the village, and if anyone knew how to coax a handsome GI into giving her food, it was Lizzie.
"I even promised I'd see him tonight as well, so he wouldn't suspect I was using him for chocolate", Lizzie had continued, with a wink. A tart with a heart, her husband called her friend, and she hugged herself as an image of his smiling face flickered in her mind.

The pheasant had been trickier, and she had had to sell Great Aunt Meryl's brooch in order to buy it, which made her a little sad - but she reminded herself that Great Aunt Meryl had been a rather large woman and would probably have approved of her doing this.

Meeting with the poacher to arrange procurement of the bird had proved to be a little adventure in itself. She smiled as she remembered how nervous but also excited she had been, taking a deep breath before entering the insalubrious pub the man was known to frequent. It was not the sort of place a girl like her should ever be seen to visit, and her mother would have been furious had she known, which made her relish the memory all the more. Her husband would find it amusing, and she couldn't wait to tell him. His train would be coming in soon - it was time to walk to the station.

When she saw him get off the train, a little unsteady on his crutches, it took her all of an instant to decide that the leg he had left behind in the Ardennes was of no consequence. Though I might have missed an arm, she thought, as his crutches tumbled onto the platform and he hugged her almost tight enough to crush her.

At dinner, after she had put the plated food on the table, she sat down and found she wasn't hungry after all. He looked up from his steaming plate to see her staring at him.

"Are you eating me with your eyes?" he asked, with the raised eyebrow that had been instrumental in his courtship of her.
"Yes", she said, returning his smile, "that's exactly what I'm doing".

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Not sure slice of life is my thing at all - I'm feeling decidedly "meh" about this piece. I've been preoccupied with prepping for a job interview these last few days and this was all that came to me (amputations and job interviews go hand in hand, of course). Still, normal service will resume: I'll be back on Christmas Day with some death, and maybe some aliens for New Years Day

32 comments:

  1. Wonderfully poignant tale, I loved the way it unfolded - you had me thinking it was the current war in Afghanistan, then WW2, which made the reveal even better.

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  2. I think slice of life works for you. This is lovely - it's allowed you to focus on things a broader sweep might have missed. For instance:

    she sat down and found she wasn't hungry after all...

    Doesn't that happen?! Great, thanks Mazzz.

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  3. I think this slice of life piece works extremely well. You should have no doubts on that score. Was there an echo of his missing leg and the leg of a bird we eat from our plates?

    marc nash

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  4. I think this is a lovely piece, certainly something different from you, but it worked. I enjoyed the determination of the wife as she sought out a meal for her husband. It was heartwarming and touching without being sad and sappy.

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  5. I would have ended it at the train station, and made more of a point of her not missing a leg, but she would have missed an arm.

    That eating me with your eyes line, didn't work for me. Sorry!

    Excellently written as ever, however.

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  6. Oh, and weirdly I did my first slice of life today and it's focussed on food too.

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  7. oh it's not "meh" at all.. like that period and you have captured the hardship and sacrifices well. It does seem like a beginning of a longer piece. These two could certainly blossom into deeper characters and you have enough material in the scenes you've set to expand. yes, a decidedly different voice from you.

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  8. I thought it was a beautiful statement of courage and love.
    I would agree with Anton though, about ending it at the train station. Him crushing her with his arms says it all - his relief at the exceptance in her eyes, their love for each other allowing him to move on - it's all there in that one paragraph.

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  9. I liked this lots, a timely slice of life piece, yet timeless. The importance she placed on giving him a good meal when he came home says it all. Well done, way to stretch your writer's wings.

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  10. I love WWII stories, you probably know this already. The hardships a family had to face back then, very well captured her. The ending was a little off for your caliber, but then again I had a stinker this week too and ducked out to give up a piece of secret work I had in store. [hugs] Good luck. :)

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  11. I like how you include that Aunt Meryl would have approved of selling the brooch for extravagent food. A slight, yet amusing detail.

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  12. Beautiful slice. The last few lines; not hungry and eating with eyes tells the story.
    -David G Shrock

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  13. I enjoyed this slice of life and the fact it was WWII. I especially liked the way the food told a lot of the story - the powdered eggs (ew) the difficulty in getting special food and how it took several people and sacrifice to get a couple simple things (in today's terms)- and the twist with the meal in the end. I like it when food drives a story, almost like another character.

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  14. Great detail. All kinds of food in your feast, the edible, the sensual. Nice

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  15. I thought it was a great slice, not meh at all. Kudos to you for taking a chance outside the comfort zone.

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  16. Great Job! The story made me hungry for more! I may tackle a slice of life some day. The meeting in the bar to get the pheasant reminded me of my clandestine meeting back in the eighties to get my daughter's famed "cabbage patch kid." I liked it!

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  17. I thought this was a great slice of life as well--as usual, you are very effective in creating a mood. I felt I was right back in WWII. Poignant, with very real, rich details.

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  18. You don't have to write about extraterrestrials or Fantasy every week. Goodness knows I don’t write the same thing day to day or #fridayflash to #fridayflash. It’s good to experiment, and healthy to let whatever ideas you have flow.

    Her preparations for his return were nice and given intrigue by the time period requiring food rationing. That he hugged her so fiercely gave him the personality I craved as we followed her anticipation for much of the story. If you are interested in constructive feedback on this, though, mine would be about the style: a lot of it is in passive voice or hands us information, like saying "she sat down and found she wasn't hungry after all" rather than showing or expressing it. The usage of exposition is very important to slice of life stories.

    Cheers!

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  19. Love this Mazzz. I'm a big flea market fiend, and I often wonder how antique pieces came to be put up for sale. This says it all - a big sacrafice to show true love.
    I agree that to have ended it at the train station would be best.
    I'm not at all surprised that you do slice of life so well.

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  20. I agree this was lovely, although I must confess I was waiting for the customary twist.

    That said, I think telling a story without a twist from time-to-time helps to make the twists more powerful.

    Looking forward to the aliens on New Year's Day.

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  21. I like this a lot. I even liked the "eating me with your eyes" line, because it tied in so well with her efforts to make the meal.

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  22. I thought you did a great job on this. I enjoyed the ending, how she was eating him with her eyes. Tied it up perfectly. Great job!

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  23. "but I might have missed an arm" made me go awwwwwwwww....I'm like that about hugs too...
    I thought this was lovely Mazz. Don't feel meh about it. Enjoyed "tart with a heart" and I liked the "Are you eating me with your eyes?" line. It rounded out the "feast" idea to a t for me.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Karen :0)

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  24. Very nice piece of work, in a matter of few words I knew these characters and their world.

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  25. You may not be the best judge of your work just now. This works extremely well for me, especially the last few sentences. The wife wants to provide him with a very special meal, after being on the front and then in the hospital. The true treat is for her in being able to see him at home, safe from returning to the war, and happy to be with her.

    Barb Relyea

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  26. Your meh would be many a writer's marvelous.

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  27. For a few minutes everything around me peeled away - the kids, the television, the snow falling. I was in England waiting for my love to return from the war.

    I guess this worked ;^)

    And beautifully, I might add.

    I often find I am not the best judge of my work, especially when I'm preoccupied and too close to the words. Peace, Linda

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  28. I thought it was quite good. I mean, it didn't have your usual punch but it was interesting and well-written.

    I like the little references to the period (the ration stamps, having to haggle with American soldiers) and how you didn't beat us over the head with THIS IS A PERIOD PIECE.

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  29. "Are you eating me with your eyes?" that was the story for me, his asking and her answering encapsulated all her motives... love.... nicely done

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  30. Lovely story! You do slice of life well, and you painted the time period perfectly. Of course, it may have been more in character for you to have them eat peasant, but that's an inconsequential suggestion. ;)

    Cecilia

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  31. This is certainly not 'meh,' Mazz. The build up is intriguing and the last few lines are tender and emotive. Great change of pace from your usual stuff.

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  32. My favorite part was how you allowed for her honesty is thinking she was glad it wasn't his arm, and then followed that up with a hug that validated her feelings even if they were selfish. Nice work.

    And I think I may be in the minority in the Friday Flash world, because although I quite often enjoy a twist in stories, in general I prefer writing without a twist. So I say keep pushing yourself out of your zone, because you can certainly weave a lovely, honest, and quiet story.

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